The Random Dilettante

(click on the pic to go buy it!)

Ummmm….so I really want this painting. I have a smaller version of one kind of like it by Secret Agent Josephine.

It would be amazing to have the two paintings together on Audrey’s wall in her room.  Alas I can’t afford it right now

I think someone should totally go buy it for me ….don’t you?  Christmas is just around the corner you know!!  Screw that…OMG….MY BIRTHDAY!!  Did you know it’s in October??  The 9TH to be exact??  How close is that!?!?!  hehe

Well, looks like I didn’t get the IT job after all.  I’m a little dissapointed, but I know everything happens for a reason, and I’m where i’m supposed to be, so I’m not feeling too bad about it.  I still have a part-time job and I’m going to have lots of time at home, so I can’t knock that.

I spent my last week of over-nights at camp with the kids, outside getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.  Soooooo glad that’s over with!!  It was awful.   Truly.   Awful.

Definitely looking forward to all this free time at home….it’s going to be amazing

** I know some of you who read my blog have no idea who this bloke is, but put that aside for a sec (or go find out by reading his blog!) and just take a minute and go vote for him so that he can be on a calender full of *hot* bloggers!! He definitely deserves to be. Not only is he just adorable, he’s smart as hell and intellectually stimulating to boot. And did I mention he’s an EMT in NYC? That alone is pretty hot **

The Hot Blogger 2009 Calendar Voting has begun! There are two actual categories, one for the girls and one for the guys. While perusing the nominations I saw that the NYC Watchdog has been nominated. So you know what I did right? I totally casted my vote for him because he is a total Hawt Dawg!!! Voting is VERY easy. There is no registration, its a simple poll, and all you have to do is check off right by his name! They couldn’t have made it any easier for us to make the Hawt Dawg into our Mr. October for 2009!!! So throw the Hawt Dawg a bone and help me out by voting for him here!!!

On tuesday I should hear about the IT job I interviewed for last Thursday & whether or not I’m hired. I can’t wait to just KNOW either way. I’ve decided that if I am offered the job, I’m definitely going to take it. Not only because of the money either. Mattie left a comment on my last post that really resounded within me and it almost instantly made up my mind on what to do. My job right now doesn’t appreciate me in the least, and I know for a fact they think they are “doing me a favor” by giving me the new position with the after school program. That’s why they offered as little money as they did, because they knew I “needed” it. Here I thought that by going to them and explaining to them my situation with Andrew deploying and my choice to still want to stay in the agency would prompt them to help me out…if just a little. But all it really did was show them a weak spot to exploit. And that’s fucked up people. Seriously.

Why work for people that make you feel that way? I’m better than that.

So hopefully Tuesday I hear about the IT job, because I will accept it immediately and then immediately turn around and tell the people I work with now to take their job and shove it!

If I do get the job, I won’t get the break I was looking forward too, but at least I’ll be working normal daytime hours, and working in a job that I enjoy because it’s all about technical shit I LOVE. I’ve excelled at the job I’m at now, but it’s really a lot of domestic stuff I do everyday…and yeah, I can cook, I can clean, I have a good demenor with kids…but it really doesn’t let me express much else. Glenda is SO MUCH MORE than just cooking & cleaning, and I feel that my job right now doesn’t see that…or even care.

I care though. And that’s what truly counts. This IT job will challenge me and encourage me to move forward….and that’s just something I cannot pass up.

Wish me luck!! They said my interview went really well, so hopefully that meant something.

It’s interesting what life throws at you sometimes.  Just when one thinks they have it all figured out, everything changes!

Last Friday I “officially”  got hired for the new position…and I was pretty happy about it.  Until today.  Today I found out the pay rate, and as it turns out, it’s less than what I’m making now.  Not a lot..like 35 cents less..but it’s less, and I took it as a major insult.  I’m already cutting my hours in half (from 40 to 20) and losing my benefits (paid holidays, sick time, health, 401k etc)  the least I thought they could do was up my wage a little bit.  Especially considering my prior experience working with children in after school care.  So it was insulting and kinda left me speechless.

This comes from the same people who are supposedly buiilding a “relationship” with Fort Drum’s military community.  The afterschool program they  are funding is primarily for military kids and even mentions it’s goal to ease the stress of deployments on the military family.  I’ve come to find out it’s all just a bunch of talk though.  The agency I work for has only one military spouse working for them right now.  ME.   And they know the only reason I put my notice in for my over night shift is because of Andrew deploying and the difficulty in finding childcare at those hours.

Of no fault of my own I am losing a full-time job with benefits…and it sucks.  I’ve asked for consideration with other shifts, in hopes to keep my benefits, but they weren’t really of any help.  They don’t seem to care whether I work for them or not, and it’s upsetting.  I was never asking for a lot, but you would think I was asking for the world.  It doesn’t make sense, because I’ve always received great monthly evaluations and have a good working relationship with everyone at my job and etc…

They just act like they can’t be bothered with my trivial issues and like I said….it’s upsetting.  There is only so much I can grovel and feel under valued before I start taking it personally and say enough is enough and leave with some dignity.

Anyway, with that being said, I also got another job offer today.  Making more money than I’m making now, with full time hours.  It’s an IT job, and as you all know I am a geek that loves anything to do with technology.  The only dilemma is now I have to choose…

Do I take the job that offers half the pay, but leaves me with a lot of free time at home?  It WOULD be nice for a change but the draw back is the inevitable money worries that come with getting half the pay.

OR

Do I take the full time job that makes more money, but leaves me with a lot less down time that I was looking forward too?

On one hand I totally say the time at home is worth it, but on the other hand, if I’m dirt broke all the time, that is going to suck too.

It’s a hard choice.

Any thoughts?  What would you do?  I’m in desperate need of some advice!

Happy Friday everyone! I am SO F*cking tired; I got stuck at work today because the girl that was on the schedule was a no call/ no show. Freaking douche.

And then there was a MANDATORY company picnic at 4pm-6pm today. Which was cool…but I had yet to get any sleep. I finally laid down around 7:30 last night until 11pm. That’s something. Still feel like shit though.

The greatest part? This same girl is on the schedule again this morning to relieve me. I don’t know what I’m going to do if she doesn’t show…getting through the night is one thing, but following through until 4pm? That will be AWFUL. So I’m crossing my fingers. And toes.

On a totally different note, I took this cool color quiz that has me slightly freaked out! Most of the results could not be MORE true. It’s weird. You should read it. And take the quiz yourself and post it to your blog so I can read yours!! Sound like fun?? Sure it does!!

Glenda took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!“Tries to escape from her problems, difficulties, a…”

Glenda’s Existing Situation

Sensitive and understanding but under some strain; needs to unwind in the company of someone close to her.

Glenda’s Stress Sources

Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Glenda’s Restrained Characteristics

The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.

Becomes distressed when her needs or desires are misunderstood and feels that she has no one to turn to or rely on. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.

Glenda’s Desired Objective

Tries to escape from her problems, difficulties, and tensions by abrupt, headstrong, and ill-considered decisions or changes of direction.

Glenda’s Actual Problem

Feels insufficiently valued in her existing situation, and is seeking different conditions in which she will have greater opportunity of demonstrating her worth.

CLICK HERE TO GO TAKE THE COLOR QUIZ

Sooo. Obviously August isn’t going to be a month full of a lot of blog entries! I think it has something to do with it being close to the end of summer. In Northern New York our 4 weeks of summer are defintely about up. The past few nights it’s been in the 50’s and barely into the 70’s during the day!

Truth be told, I CANNOT wait for August to be over! Why? Because at the end of this month I will no longer be working nights!!! I will be so happy to be able to sleep at night again…you have no idea

PLUS. I’m going to be able to stay with the agency I work for, which is awesome. I haven’t officially been given the job, but I’m pretty sure it’s mine….I put together a kick ass resume and the Activities Director has already showed interest in me.

What’s the job? That’s the best part!! It’s working at Taylor’s middle school which is barely 2 min away from my house! The agency I work for received a grant to start an “After School” pilot program and they are hiring for “group leaders” for groups of 15 kids or less to lead fun after school activities, homework help and mentoring. It’s exactly what I used to do in Fort Riley and I LOVED it. It’s so fun, and since it’s something I enjoy so much it ROCKS that I get paid to do it!

The best thing are the hours. I’m not exactly sure what they are but they will probably be from 2pm to 6pm M-F. It’s a severe cut in hours for me, but the job pays even more than I make now, so that will help a little. I will still be out at least $1000 a MONTH…which sucks, but I’m willing to tighten the budget a little so that I can start enjoying more time at home. I will be able to walk Audrey to school everyday, get her dressed, do her hair..all the fun stuff..and something I’ve missed out on over the past year. Not to mention all the free time I’m going to have to get back into photography, sewing and god knows what else.

So YES.

I cannot wait until the end of August…I am counting the days, and it seems like it’s taking forever!

Sorry for being so dramatic the last post. Just one of those days ya know?

Yesterday I took a “personal day” (called in sick) so I got to sleep last night, yay! I’m up in the daylight hours like a normal person! It’s pretty crazy! With this whole job situation coming up, working nights is one thing I won’t miss.

Anyway, today I’m enjoying my day off by baking a Peanut Butter & Jelly cake with the girls. I’ll let you know how it turns out. Andrew thinks it sounds nasty. I think it sounds interesting..and the girls think it just sounds delicious!

Also here’s a little photo gallery of what I did this past weekend! I went out and bought some poloymer clay that you can bake in the oven after you sculpt your creation. I didn’t make any “penny monsters” (yet) but I did make a little black scottie dog, a kitty, and what was supposed to be a hamster but turned out looking more like a koala bear (it was my very first). I took some pictures of the bottle cap magnets I made too. What do you think? I have some non-alcoholic bottle caps too, I just need to make magnets out of them.

Again..sorry for going a little over board in my last post. Things are looking up

I’ve really been out of sorts the past few days. Usually I’m pretty laid back and just let life flow but over the past weekend and into this week so far I’ve been letting every thing get to me. I shouldn’t be PMS’ing but it feels like I am. My temper is short, my patience is low and I feel like just saying what is on my mind that normally I wouldn’t say anything about because I don’t want to start any drama. I’m usually low on drama…but I keep wanting to stir the pot. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, but I’m really trying to hold back so that I don’t say something I may regret. This all pertains to work..family, this blog in general. Yuck. I need some perspective and to know that it’s just not hormones that’s stirring up my balance.

I have a lot on my mind regarding my job. I can’t keep the shift I have when Andrew deploys but we’ve started to depend on my income coming in so I need to have some job. There might be a day shift in my job coming up but I have no idea if I’ll get it. I might be eligible for unemployment but I’m not totally sure. There is so much I don’t know at the moment and it’s getting to me. By September things are going to be a lot different in my world but I have no idea exactly how. Yuck. I like consistency.

Also this blog has began to hurt my feelings and so I’ve become bitter towards it. I went to all the trouble of a new template..my own web address, you name it…but I don’t feel like it’s gained me anything. I don’t keep track of the hits my site gets, but I’m lucky to get even one comment on a post…..and that’s from my birth father, so that hardly counts. Of course I write for me, this post for instance, but a lot of the time I would love feedback, or to see that someone in the world (that doesn’t have my blood) gives a shit what I have to say. The truth is that I don’t think anyone cares about what I have to say, and that’s humbling…for sure. I’ve been blogging for 4 yrs now? At least? Maybe more. And it’s always been “for me” - a place to vent, sort things out and all that fun stuff. That hasn’t changed, but I guess I always hoped I’d build a few readers here and there, and the realization that I haven’t hurts my ego tremendously. Not like I had a big ego to begin with mind you.

So whatever. People with blogs that get lots of comments a day will tell me I shouldn’t write for comments, I should be writing for myself. I know this..and I do. The problem is when you put your thoughts..projects, pictures out there for the world to see, there is that hope that someone might take interest in your 2 cents. My hope for that has been crushed.

But maybe it’s just the mood I’m in. Maybe I’m being dramatic.

I currently feel very alone in the world.

That about sums it up.