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Today the time finally came to tell my best friend…my husband….good-bye for another year. It was unbelievably hard. One might think that after 4 prior deployments it might get easier, but I’ve come to realize that it just gets that much harder because having done it so many times before, you fully know what to expect. A year is so fucking long to go without the one you love and depend on. Both Audrey and Taylor took it very hard tonight and I had no choice to be the strong one…which is fine, because that’s what I here for.
Can I just say though, my heart & my chest were so heavy they literally hurt. With time I know I will feel better, but nothing will be “right” again until he is at my side. There will be that piece of me that is missing…a huge piece.
So for anyone reading, please send good thoughts Andrews way…..he has been deployed 4 times since this damn war started and it hurts him more than anybody I think. He always tells me that what he misses the most down range is the touch of another person. It’s all business down there, and I know it’s hard for all the soldiers. I tell myself to be thankful that at least I have my daughters that I can console myself with and I have no shortage of hugs or kisses coming my way…I can even snuggle and sleep with them if I want. For that I am grateful, because I know he would love to have the same.
Anyway..I think I jumped around alot here, but I’m still processing it all. It’s only been 2 hours since we left him at the hanger. Life is hard at the moment.
I can’t even imagine having to let go the first time he had to go … but this is now his fourth time?
I was under the misguided impression that if you went once you weren’t called up again and if you were it was only for a few short months.
I will pray for him to return home safely every day. And I hope that you and your girls will be okay until he returns.
My heart goes out to you.
Thanks Mattie…it means a lot to have your prayers. I think it used to be that way…but since the war in Iraq/Afghanistan started, all they have to give soldiers is at least 6 months of stabilization at home…after that they are fair game.
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