The Random Dilettante

And a lot of other rambling thoughts…

“You are standing at the edge of a significant shift in your life, yet you aren’t quite ready for all the pieces to fall into place. You might even postpone some important personal plans in order to buy yourself some much-needed time. Don’t worry about when the changes will happen because appointments with destiny are always on time.”

This is what my horoscope said today. I’m not huge on Astrology, but sometimes I find it pretty interesting, especially if I can relate to it at the time. This little paragraph today has really got me thinking.

Lately I’ve been trying to “branch out” …the “mainstream” is boring the shit out of me. The endless cycle of the job I’m in right now has me looking for other options. It’s an easy job, hell, I’m blogging from it..so there’s not much to complain about. Well except for the fact that it’s one of those jobs that is unlikely to go anywhere…or even become more of a challenge. Challenge is essential. I need to be challenged..whether it be by my employer, my spouse, friends, family..etc. It keeps things interesting, and when I find myself getting too comfortable, especially if I’m on a crooked path, to have someone straighten me out is priceless.

I don’t think I’m making sense, but my point was, I like to grow..learn, excel..move forward. If I feel I’m not doing any of that, it bothers me immensely.

By learning to sew I’m learning something new, and my creative juices thank me. As for excelling or really moving forward and challenging myself? Yeah, not so much.

Yesterday I sent out a letter of intent for a job that was posted. I talked big game, and implied I was perfect for the job….which, at the time I thought I was. An hour later I got a reply and a phone number to call to discuss the details. I froze…and it took me 6 hours to return the call.

Why? Fuck if I know. Or maybe I do. Maybe I’m scared of failing? Maybe it’s the potential change? Whatever it was, it was stupid and I need to wake the hell up. I had to leave a message and for all I know, this opportunity has passed me by. I am extremely self defeating sometimes. If there is a pill out there that would take this trait away, I’d be the first to stand in line. I say “pill” because NO…I don’t want to discuss it, at least not with a shrink. It’s just how it is. We are all fucked up in our own ways and this is mine. I’m trying to break away from it, but it its harder than you can ever imagine. For every positive thought in my head that tells me I can do something, there are about 100 others telling me I’m not worthy and am kidding myself. It pisses me off because I know better…I know can totally kick ass at whatever I set my mind to, but regardless if it isn’t conscious thoughts messing me up, its the unconscious choices I make that really make the impact.

ANyway. This wasn’t supposed to be a heavy post. Just thoughts. I’m hoping I get called back again for the job and I haven’t ruined my chances. And if it’s indeed true that I am standing on the edge of a significant shift in my life…I hope it’s a good shift, and not just talking about Andrew deploying in October. Thats definitely a shift too…but not the one I’m hoping for. It’s inevitable he will leave, but when he does I would love to be buzzing around life…learning new roles, new skills, etc, so the impact isn’t so severe.

When Andrew leaves for Iraq he puts on his game face and it’s “work time” and plenty of it. He doesn’t have a lot of spare time to sulk or feel sorry for himself. That’s the way I want it to be for me. Of course it will bother me, but I want to be so busy that I won’t notice as much. Make any sense?

Goodness. If there was ever a rambling post with a lot of points but no conclusion, this would be it!

Getting back to the beginning of this post - the part of the horoscope that says “appointments with destiny are always on time”. Comforts me immensely.

I have to have faith that in time, every thing will work itself out and no matter where I end up, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Amazingly enough, the day after I had too much sleep I decided to stay up most of the next day..only clocking about 2 hours of sleep total, and then going back in to work that Wednesday night. Not the smartest choice..but whatever. I’m starting to see a pattern of me doing that on Wednesdays because I have meetings at work that don’t have me getting home until almost noon, and by then you would think I would be tired, but it’s usually the opposite. I usually feel like staying up and drinking some wine, hehe. Totally out of character I know!

Anyway, Happy Independence Day everyone!

Can you believe it is currently 52F degrees here in Upstate NY? Crazy! I can’t say I’m missing the 90/100 degree heat though. I’ll take this weather any day.

I don’t think we have many plans for the day…we might go see some fireworks…I dunno. Maybe grill. Play the Wii.

Oh!

And SEW.

Yep! I am now the proud recipient of a sewing machine!! I took the manual to work with me tonight and am trying to get a good idea of what’s what. Ideally…maybe, I’ll have something completed by the end of the weekend?? How cool would that be?!

Pretty damn cool. :)  (in my opinion)

Where has Glenda been? Does anyone really care? If not, that’s ok…but if you have been wondering, YOU KICK ASS…cause that will make me feel better. Have you ever felt that if suddenly you were wiped off the face of the planet not a soul would notice? Invisible much? Yeah. Me too. Sometimes you just want to see someone gives a damn that isn’t “obligated” too. Anyway, I’ll stop whining now.

In other news, I don’t care if I am going to “hell” –

I LOVE this song…

CLICK TO READ THE LYRICS

Why? Cause it’s so true! Girls Women rock. No, I’m not gay. But whatever. “Us girls we are so magical, soft skin, red lips so kissable, hard to resist, so touchable…too good to deny it” - Yeah that about wraps it up. Girls RULE.

Hate on… not sure I care.

I have a new addiction…and I don’t say this lightly. It’s serious! Since I bought my first 2 quilts and received them in the mail I have been OBSESSED with quilts. I search Etsy daily for new quilts sellers have added, I’ve bought 2 quilting magazines, and might even be going to a quilting class this Saturday, or possibly next! It’s offered on post and is an all day affair where you buy the supplies needed, and you come out of it with your very own quilt YOU made. I don’t know if it’s the artist in me that’s finally woke up or what, but all of a sudden I’m taking notice of fabrics and certain patterns, and can even tell you a few fabric designers by name that I LOVE. Heather Bailey is one of them…she rocks.

Anyway, I really want to learn how to make my own quilts. It’s really all I can think about. If I didn’t have a job I would be hanging out at the fabric store half the day and the other half at Border’s looking at cool quilting books, dreaming of projects I want to start.

Crazy I know, but I am totally not kidding when I say it’s all I think about. Well, that and sleep…only because I’ve been working a lot of hours. I really want to play with the fabrics and come up with my own creation…and if I’m good at it, maybe even start up many own store on Etsy so I can put some up for sale. Of course, that’s really getting ahead of myself, but it’s where my head is going. I’m truly excited and can’t wait to learn what it takes to put a quilt together. After that…who knows…once I learn how to sew, I’d love to make handbags..maybe clothes…the options are endless.

Here’s to hoping I’m good at sewing and/or like to sew. If not I will have to stick to stalking Etsy daily so I can buy other people’s creations. That could work too! Not near as fun though!

Happy Friday! I made it through another week!! I pulled mad over-time but hopefully I won’t be in the near future, since we have a new group of trainees coming through at the end of next week. We shall see. People drop like flies where I work. I’m hoping I get a break for a little while though, I like my weekends off!

I have this weekend off so that makes me super happy. To compensate I have to work a crazy double shift again on Monday, but 2 straight nights of sleep will be well worth it. Plus! This Sunday is my 13th wedding anniversary! Whoo hoo!

We still have the metro bus passes we took to the court house on May 18th, 1995. It was nothing special, just a quick ceremony in front of the judge. Later that night we walked to work. We both worked at Subway in downtown Kansas City at the time and we closed it that night. Just another day for us really. Our feelings were never wrapped up in a ceremony, we knew how we felt with or without it.

Anyways. Maybe I’ll write more about it on Sunday Or maybe not. Who knows.

Before I go I HAVE to mention my latest OBSESSION! It’s www.etsy.com and it’s where you can buy all sorts of handmade stuff that so many talented artists have made. You name it, it’s probably on the site. I broke down and bought a quilt that I couldn’t let pass by. I love quilts. Not the old fashioned type ones, but unique home-made ones. I’ve never owned one, but I do now…and I CANNOT wait to get it.

Here’s a pic:

I also got this one: (it’s small..made to be a baby quilt)

It’s from StarlitNestGifts, and from what I can see she is so talented..I don’t even know what I’m going to do with the quilts but I HAD to have them. And I’ve been working a lot, so I deserve them! hehe.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Hmmm. I tried a new mouthwash. “Crest Pro-Health Night Mouthwash” to be exact. And now my taste buds are seriously jacked up. Jacked up, as in I can hardly taste anything! You know how your tongue feels after you take a bite of something or sip something too hot? That’s my ENTIRE tongue. I’m crossing my fingers that a little time will heal whatever the mouthwash did to my tongue. So far it’s been over 24 hours and no change.
Yesterday (Monday) I got off work at 8am, came back at 4pm and am working a double until 8 am this morning.

I am tired. And want your sympathy. Thanks in advance.

Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies out there!

I pretty much celebrated my day yesterday. We went out to Panera for lunch and then went to the mall where Andrew bought me some diamond earrings! They are really nice..and kinda big. 1/2 carat. I am truly spoiled
We also picked up a few summer outfits for Taylor. For 11 years old, she is growing so fast. She wears a women’s size 8 shoe! That is crazy to me. Anyway, she got some cute outfits, one with a pair of “skinny jeans” which I guess are all the rage now…they looked good on her. Oh! And she got her first eyebrow/upper lip wax! She took it pretty well, and they look a lot better. She definitely gets all her dark hair from Andrew. I’ve never had to wax my upper lip, and half the time you can barely see my eyebrows unless I fill them in. I told her I’d rather be her though, cause now that her eyebrows are done they have the perfect arch without any touch-up needed. Plus she has the longest eyelashes which most girls would kill for. My lashes are practically non-existent.

Anyway, enough girl talk.

It was a great day. We got home around 3pm and Andrew said we all went to work like we were having a G.I. Party, haha. Not really meaning too, but that’s how it turned out. He went out to mow the lawn, then I started dusting and vacuuming the house, and Taylor had her chores to do…even Audrey joined in and picked up her room. It was cool, and we were all done pretty quick, so that was nice.

I’m at work now - I don’t know why, but I signed up for this shift. I didn’t realize it was Mother’s Day when I put my name on it. Oh well. So the rest of my mothers day will probably be spent resting in bed. No complaints here! More than anything I am just hoping everyone shows up like they are supposed to in the morning so I don’t get stuck on a double shift….that would lead to some complaining!

I haven’t had the time or will to put much content in here this week. Sorry about that. Fucking hormones. Either I hate the world and everyone in it, am crying for absolutely no reason, or totally spacing out. You pick. So yeah, fuck hormones! Ok..that feels a little better.

Anyway. I just listened to Coldplay’s new release “Violet Hill” and loved it (meaning I played it 15+ times straight). I wasn’t so impressed with their last album, with the exception of a few tracks. Hopefully this album is a little better. If this first release is any indication, I see good things ahead! Take a whiff. Seriously some good poo…

**Sorry, had to take the video down - copy write thing**

Tomorrow? We should delve into the interpretation of this song! I have a few theories! Sound like fun?

Really though. If this song doesn’t make you want to get up and shake it..umm…tell me what does? I love this song, I can’t even sit still while listening to it. And yeah…these hips can move!

I tried to get the actual video for the song, but Youtube isn’t letting me. So for now, just the song.

Now shake ur ass…you know you want to.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbs26LNInTU&hl=en]

Golly Golly…what a week.  It has flown by so fast!  I guess that could be considered a good thing, yeah?  It’s hard to believe it’s May already…I think every year you get older the time just seems to pass faster than the year before.  What a crock of shit.

Anyway, once I get through this morning I’ll be free for the weekend. Hell yeah..I can’t wait.  Hopefully the morning goes by smoothly, it can’t possibly get any worse than last week.  Ok, maybe it can.  But it won’t.  I’m thinking positive! 
Later tonight Andrew and I are going out with some people I work with to have a few drinks in honor of a few birthdays past & present.  I can’t wait, it should be a good time.  Plus I’m having at least one shot of tequila in honor of those bloggers who will be in Philadelphia starting Tequilacon 08′ off right!  I’m totally jealous.  I guess I could have gone though, Philadelphia isn’t too far from me.  It would have been awkard though.  No one knows me.  See?  That’s what you get for being nothing but a lurker! Even so, I will join in on the fun in my own special way and buy a round of shots for those I’m with tonight.  I doubt if I’ll say why.  If you start talking blogging stuff around people who don’t even know what they are…you start to seem a little crazy and weird to them, lol.  Their loss.

Anyway, here’s to all those going…I hope you have a great time! Take pictures!!