The Random Dilettante

On tuesday I should hear about the IT job I interviewed for last Thursday & whether or not I’m hired. I can’t wait to just KNOW either way. I’ve decided that if I am offered the job, I’m definitely going to take it. Not only because of the money either. Mattie left a comment on my last post that really resounded within me and it almost instantly made up my mind on what to do. My job right now doesn’t appreciate me in the least, and I know for a fact they think they are “doing me a favor” by giving me the new position with the after school program. That’s why they offered as little money as they did, because they knew I “needed” it. Here I thought that by going to them and explaining to them my situation with Andrew deploying and my choice to still want to stay in the agency would prompt them to help me out…if just a little. But all it really did was show them a weak spot to exploit. And that’s fucked up people. Seriously.

Why work for people that make you feel that way? I’m better than that.

So hopefully Tuesday I hear about the IT job, because I will accept it immediately and then immediately turn around and tell the people I work with now to take their job and shove it!

If I do get the job, I won’t get the break I was looking forward too, but at least I’ll be working normal daytime hours, and working in a job that I enjoy because it’s all about technical shit I LOVE. I’ve excelled at the job I’m at now, but it’s really a lot of domestic stuff I do everyday…and yeah, I can cook, I can clean, I have a good demenor with kids…but it really doesn’t let me express much else. Glenda is SO MUCH MORE than just cooking & cleaning, and I feel that my job right now doesn’t see that…or even care.

I care though. And that’s what truly counts. This IT job will challenge me and encourage me to move forward….and that’s just something I cannot pass up.

Wish me luck!! They said my interview went really well, so hopefully that meant something.

Sooo. Obviously August isn’t going to be a month full of a lot of blog entries! I think it has something to do with it being close to the end of summer. In Northern New York our 4 weeks of summer are defintely about up. The past few nights it’s been in the 50’s and barely into the 70’s during the day!

Truth be told, I CANNOT wait for August to be over! Why? Because at the end of this month I will no longer be working nights!!! I will be so happy to be able to sleep at night again…you have no idea

PLUS. I’m going to be able to stay with the agency I work for, which is awesome. I haven’t officially been given the job, but I’m pretty sure it’s mine….I put together a kick ass resume and the Activities Director has already showed interest in me.

What’s the job? That’s the best part!! It’s working at Taylor’s middle school which is barely 2 min away from my house! The agency I work for received a grant to start an “After School” pilot program and they are hiring for “group leaders” for groups of 15 kids or less to lead fun after school activities, homework help and mentoring. It’s exactly what I used to do in Fort Riley and I LOVED it. It’s so fun, and since it’s something I enjoy so much it ROCKS that I get paid to do it!

The best thing are the hours. I’m not exactly sure what they are but they will probably be from 2pm to 6pm M-F. It’s a severe cut in hours for me, but the job pays even more than I make now, so that will help a little. I will still be out at least $1000 a MONTH…which sucks, but I’m willing to tighten the budget a little so that I can start enjoying more time at home. I will be able to walk Audrey to school everyday, get her dressed, do her hair..all the fun stuff..and something I’ve missed out on over the past year. Not to mention all the free time I’m going to have to get back into photography, sewing and god knows what else.

So YES.

I cannot wait until the end of August…I am counting the days, and it seems like it’s taking forever!

It’s always hard when you get your hopes up for something, and totally work up your ego to where you believe that “Yes! I can do this!” and then things don’t quite work out the way you hoped. Life checks you and puts you back in your place…it royally sucks. That sinking feeling in your chest. The tingling in your nose as you fight back the urge to cry. The need to go grab a glass of wine A.S.A.P.

The Worst.

Blah.

Oh well, at least I can say I tried. I do think it’s better knowing than not knowing because I never even tried.

Sorry I’m so cryptic, I would just rather not re-hash it in my mind again.

Moving on…

It’s Friday…whoo hooo! I love my Fridays. Even if I don’t do anything with them! The last few weeks I’ve had to work them so I’ve been seriously bummed. I think the “mandatory over-time” has come to an end for a while…I’m crossing my fingers, I know that much. This past week I’ve put in 17 hours of overtime..and only 8 of the hours were by choice. The other’s were a mandatory meeting that lasted too long, and then yesterday I got “stuck” because the guy who was supposed to relieve me had training elsewhere and couldn’t. So I had no choice but to stay….blah…talk about tired. When I finally got home I passed out and didn’t wake up till it was time to leave again.

Anyway, enough about work. It’s boring I know! Besides that, there really hasn’t been much happening though.

I did put an ad out to see if someone in my area had a used sewing machine that I could get cheap. So far I’ve got a few possible leads but I’m waiting for them to email me back. Time will tell! (and so will my blog!)

I need to get back to priming my bedroom - a while ago we painted it this warm orange color but it ended up turning the room way too dark so I’m painting it the color I originally wanted before Andrew interrupted with his opinion! I’ll have to take pictures when I’m done

Before I go, a post wouldn’t be complete without my latest Etsy find!

(click the pics to go visit the shop)

Aren’t these cool? I think they would be a great gift for just about anyone! You can buy them, but if you think about it, they really wouldn’t be that hard to make yourself! The next time I’m at a garage sale I’ll be looking for some odd china and be hooking it up.

Where has Glenda been? Does anyone really care? If not, that’s ok…but if you have been wondering, YOU KICK ASS…cause that will make me feel better. Have you ever felt that if suddenly you were wiped off the face of the planet not a soul would notice? Invisible much? Yeah. Me too. Sometimes you just want to see someone gives a damn that isn’t “obligated” too. Anyway, I’ll stop whining now.

In other news, I don’t care if I am going to “hell” –

I LOVE this song…

CLICK TO READ THE LYRICS

Why? Cause it’s so true! Girls Women rock. No, I’m not gay. But whatever. “Us girls we are so magical, soft skin, red lips so kissable, hard to resist, so touchable…too good to deny it” - Yeah that about wraps it up. Girls RULE.

Hate on… not sure I care.

I was really hoping to be pleasantly suprised and have an easy morning….

Instead a resident spit in my face…right in my fucking eye. I’ve never been spit on before. And I sure in the hell wasn’t looking to break my track record. I was LIVID. You have NO idea! I seriously had to think about my job and not wanting to lose it. Yuck. Talk about disgusting. I was so mad my hands were shaking and I couldn’t help but to slam every door and drawer I opened and closed.

Best of all? Nothing will happen to this kid. Just a report that doesn’t mean a damn thing to him.

Let’s see, what else? I got kicked in the leg over and over and pushed as I was trying to keep 2 boys from throwing punches at each other.

It was such a fun morning.

I had to write over 20 different reports for various offenses committed..I hate writing reports at the end of my shift, I’m tired and I always take forever because my mind isn’t on track.

Anyway. Off to shower. And scrub. HARD. Then sleep. Then drink. Cause I’m cool like that.

UPDATE - This video cheered me up. It’s Hanson. Shhhh, they’ve come a long way since “MmmBop”. Give it a chance. Besides..I have a little crushy crush on Taylor (the lead singer) …what can I say? I have their latest album “The Walk” on heavy rotation, and I’m not embarrassed to say it no matter how much shit I get!

Push play. I dare ya! Let me know what you think.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w0NUYIoDm4&hl=en]

“Been There Before”

So it’s Friday. Maybe only an hour and some change into it, but that’s beside the point. I’m not happy it’s Friday yet, but around 8AM I will be. I am dreading this morning, I dread every Friday morning. Monday thru Thursday I work with the same staff, and he’s a good guy that doesn’t take any shit from the kids, so the kids don’t act up as much. On Fridays I get a part-time staff and lately it’s been a female who I like, but the kids like to run over her. This leads to much more chaos than I’m used to, so I really never know what to expect on a Friday morning. Driving away from campus shortly after 8AM is one of the best feelings ever. This past week it’s been damn crazy around my job. VCR’s and clothes being thrown out the windows. Kids taking off to play in the woods near by…fucking insane. They need their asses kicked. But no. We are a therapeutic facility. Moving on…

Andrew and I were talking tonight about him returning to Fort Riley after he gets back from Iraq. I’ll be honest, I don’t care for Kansas. It lacks the progression I long for, so it bores the living shit out of me. This being said, I miss not being around family. My family. Andrew’s too, but mine more than anything because I was just getting to know them before we had to move away. I’m an aunt x 3 almost 4 and it saddens me that none of them really know me. I feel I’m missing out on so much, and like I told Andrew, we only have so much purpose here on earth. If being with family & friends isn’t one of those priorities, then after a while things start to seem pointless. We could go to more exotic places, but the distance that’s forced between us over time is hardly worth it. I want to be a common face amoung those I love and care for. Not a casual mention or fleeting thought, or less. That’s totally depressing.

Andrew said it should be pretty easy to get back to Fort Riley because there are a few open slots he could fill, so I think we’re going to make that a plan. Even so, it won’t be until 2010 or late 2009…but it’s better than nothing. If Andrew didn’t have to deploy for a year over in Iraq it wouldn’t be so long, there’s not much I can do to change it though. Just pout. Which really doesn’t get me any where unfortunately.

Anyway…here’s to 8 am this morning! I CAN’T WAIT. I have a bed that’s calling my name and I’m going to fulfill it’s every fantasy…for at least 5-6 hours. Yeah baby.

I’m exhausted. I can’t remember if I mentioned it, but I was scheduled for a double shift yesterday. I came in at midnight on Sunday (technically Monday morning) and didn’t get off until 4:30pm. Working over 16 hours straight while having a cold? Not fun. Then getting home at 5, only to have to be back up in 4 hours to get ready for another overnight shift? Really not fun!

My job is horribly short of staff at the moment, so we are expected to help pick up the slack and memo’s are sent out enforcing “mandatory overtime”. We just can’t seem to keep staff around for very long. For some reason most people can’t handle punk ass teenagers calling them names and trying to sneak shit behind their back 24/7. ( I say this sarcastically, I know it’s not easy) For me, it’s challenging, but honestly it comes pretty easy. I’ll admit that the first weekend I worked at my job and some 15 yr old male resident threw an apple at me and called me a c*nt, definitely rattled me. Not in a scared way, it just pissed me off. He was escalated over LEMONADE..and the fact that I wouldn’t give him any. I get paid to tell them what to do, not the other way around, so after being told “I better” get him some lemonade…there was no way in hell it was going to happen. So as he was going on and on, calling me names, yelling that he was going to “snuff me” all I could say was ” Seriously? Over lemonade?” in my most smart-ass tone. Then proceeded to tell him he needed to grow the hell up and that I was “so scared”. Yeah…I’m not supposed to get into a “power struggle” but I couldn’t help it, the situation was so uncalled for it was hard not to react.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is I don’t find that sort of thing hard to do. You can’t be afraid to tell a kid “no” or not give him what he’s asking for. (your own kid, or otherwise) So many staff are, and then the residents just run them right over, and then they wonder why they can’t handle the stress and end up quitting. It makes your job harder in the beginning, being a hard ass, but in the long run, the kids respect you and the boundaries are clear and they know what they can and can’t get away with, that way they aren’t constantly testing the waters.

We are taught all of this in training, but most people just come away with trying to “be cool” and liked. It’s a flawed plan though. Being cool with them should be saved for last, and not the first play of the day. I could give a fuck less if you think I’m “down”….its such a relative term, I don’t know why people bother. For every “fan” there are at least 10 people out there that can’t stand you, and that’s the kind of shit I can’t be concerned with. They say “you can’t win them all” - which if you think about it, are some pretty wise words that should be permanently etched into our heads each and every day. Gone would be the notion of trying to impress others by what you wear, say, or do, in that never ending struggle to get everyone around you smiling. If you truly embrace this saying, there’s only yourself to impress. Which is really all that matters in the end anyway. How you feel about YOU. Fuck the rest.

Huh. I have no idea where that came from. Told you I was exhausted.

Yay! I finally got a second to work on a new custom header! It’s the one thing Wordpress will let you do without forking out some mula. Anyway, I’m loving it. It’s very “clean” and there’s not really much going on, but I think it portrays exactly what it needs too. I might add a little something later on, but for now, it’s good enough for me! What do you think?

I can’t believe it’s already Wednesday, this week is flying by and I have absolutely nothing to say for it. Except maybe that I’ve been staying on top of the laundry and doing a load each day. That’s definitely worth mentioning and will no doubt keep my readers attention span…keeping up with your laundry is always a good conversation piece. No?

Hmmm, well….

• Thursday Delta is going in to get spayed and staying overnight until Friday. I’m nervous for her.

• I have a lot of over-time coming up at work…I’m glad it’s available because I could use the extra cash, but I’m dreading it. This Sunday night I come into work at midnight and then work a double to 4pm the next day..then come right back at midnight on Tuesday. YUCK.

Ok, I better stop..this really couldn’t get anymore more boring! Never underestimate a boring day/week/month though…sometimes the alternative is a lot more than you bargained for. Know what I mean?

UPDATE - If the header is missing….blame WordPress! It was up there, and then I checked it this morning and it wasn’t? Hell if I know what’s going on. Hopefully it shows up again

This week has barely begun and I already can’t wait for it to be over….not that I had a bad start or anything. I just want to hurry up and get to the good stuff because I’m pretty sure this week is going to continue to be pretty blah. Not that my weekends are so full of excitement, but at least I can drink some wine and hang out with friends the dogs to pass the time, ya know?

Anyways. I dream about the day where I don’t have to work nights anymore…better yet take a little time off and not work at all. When Andrew deploys later this year I won’t be able to continue working nights because there will be no one home with the girls at night. My job isn’t a difficult one, but when you have to stay up all night, one has to sleep at some point, so even though it looks like you have the whole day to do whatever you want…that’s not usually how it goes. Usually it’s minimal sleep and then when you’re up, your tired and grumpy. Long story short? It’s absolutely no fun! I suppose that’s how the working world goes though.

So more than anything I really do look forward to some time off. I will seriously have to consider meds then, because not only will I have all that time on my hands again, Andrew will be in Iraq. Pretty depressing really. At least I can get back to my hobbies though…which will help keep me above water. If I was still working nights and not getting enough sleep, AND Andrew was deployed? I couldn’t imagine, it wouldn’t be good…I know that much.

Anyway, that’s what was on my mind tonight, probably because I’m at work right now. I know….very original Glenda..